God cares so greatly about each and every one of us and He desires for his children to be taken care of. I’m constantly dwelling on this thought while also battling with feeling completely inadequate. I am overwhelmed by the cry in my heart to give all that I have to these families and children while trying to only do what I see that Father doing. I am sure every missionary struggles with these feelings, but the poverty and need just seems so big, and I feel so small. Does anything matter? Will I really make any kind of lasting impact or change? Can I really truly help anyone? These thoughts swirl around in my mind and Jesus constantly has to remind me; HE is bigger than poverty, HE is bigger than prostitution, and HE lives in me! And if He lives in me, then I have the most important thing in the world to give to these people and that is Jesus Himself!
Yesterday Kylee and I visited a woman in the village whom was sobbing when we found her. She sat in her small dirt hut crying as her ten month old baby lay on the bed and her two little ones play in the dirt at her feet. We sat and held her until she was able to talk to us and tell us what was wrong. After about twenty minutes we found out that she is a prostitute who is unable to make much money because she is getting older and growing too skinny. No longer wanted by men she is watching her family starve as well as herself. She is also HIV positive as well as her infant. She talked with us about her alcoholism being her only escape and her continual attempts and thoughts towards suicide. Kylee and I sat and held her as we prayed over her and her children. We were able to walk her thought repentance and re-dedication her life to God. We continued to pray until she became peaceful. I then asked her if she saw or heard anything Jesus was saying or doing and she looked up and said, “Jesus looked at me and told me loved me.” She was so tired from crying and now finally at rest we told her to lay down with her now sleeping baby and that we would return with groceries. When we arrived back at the hut we gave her the food and watched as joy filled her. She was overwhelmed and saturated in love, her only words were, “I wish I could show you in some way how thankful I am. If I could bundle it up and give it to you as a gift I would!” We loved on her and agree to meet with her weekly.